We’re Running for President

My friend Joel and I have decided to run for public office in 2012, when we are old enough. I am going to run for President of the United States and he will be my Vice-President. (Well, technically, he would probably wind up as chief of staff because I’d need a southern or western guy as VP.)

Our platform will be fiscally and socially conservative, which means we have little chance of winning.

  • Constitutional Reform – we will READ the constitution repeatedly to anyone who proposes something unconstitutional. We will quote it extensively in every public appearance. As elected representatives of the people, we are beholden to the law first and the voice of the people second. The USA is not a mob-run democracy; it is a democratic republic.
  • Illegal Immigration – since there are already 12 million illegals in the United States, the cost of deporting them is far too prohibitive. Instead, we will calculate a per diem charge to the nation they fled and send out bills, payable in natural resources, like oil or tariff-free ethanol. The present “guest workers” will then be employed, at the expense of their nation of origin, to construct the facilities to manage the natural resources.
  • Foreign Policy – the United States is not the world’s policemen. We are also not the enforcement branch of the UN. We will protect the interests of the American people quickly, forcefully and effectively.
  • The Economy – we will strengthen the dollar in the world economy by phasing in the gold standard, possibly with a blended commodities standard. American currency will be REAL money, redeemable in goods of a set value.
  • State’s Rights – the death penalty, same-sex marriage, education, abortion, and other social issues are the concern of the individual, self-governing states. While we hold opinions on these matters, they are not for the federal government to decide. We will release the states from federal control and reduce federal taxes and bureaucracy in these areas. The states will fund their own programs.
  • Defense and the Military – we will maintain an efficient, powerful armed forces with the purpose of responding to threats to our sovereignty and citizens with such strength that the rights of American citizens and interests will be respected. We will encourage the citizens of the USA to receive military training to fulfill the requirements of the 2nd amendment.
  • Civil Rights – a man or woman should be judged on the merit of their ability, not their race or orientation. We will end positive discrimination like quotas and affirmative action-like incentives.
  • Taxes – we will move Congress to dismantle the Internal Revenue Service and rebuild it from the ground up with a straight tax level with no exemptions. All income will be taxable; everyone will pay the same percentage with no tax shelters. All imported products will be subject to a flat tariff rate.
  • Social Security – we will release the amounts people have paid into the social security administration to be held in trust for retirement at the age of 70 or 75. The funds will be placed in the economy with people having the say over how the moneys are invested. We will grandfather people over the age of 55 but phase out benefits.
  • Welfare – we will end all federal welfare programs and require communities to carry their OWN welfare programs. All welfare benefits will be classified as loans from the government and must be repaid once the recipient finds gainful employment OR the recipient must work in some capacity to merit the payments.

Additionally, we have selected out cabinet members as follows:

  • Secretary of State – Benjamin Netanyahu (we know he’s not a US citizen, but he would do a great job)
  • Secretary of Defense – David Petraeus (General, US Army, Retired)
  • Secretary of Treasury – Mitt Romney
  • Attorney General – Ron Paul (because of his constitutional stance)
  • Secretary of the Interior – Bill Bryson (he lives in England, but I think we could persuade him to return)
  • Secretary of Agriculture – Mike Huckabee
  • Secretary of Commerce – Steven Jobs
  • Secretary of Health and Human Services – Arnold Schwarzenegger
  • Secretary of Veteran Affairs – Norman Schwarzkopf
  • Secretary of Homeland Security – Rudy Giuliani

Additional Cabinet Level Positions:

  • Director of National Intelligence – Tom Clancy

These are the positions we haven’t filled yet:

  • Secretary of Labor –
  • Secretary of Housing and Urban Development –
  • Secretary of Transportation –
  • Secretary of Energy –
  • Secretary of Education –

So, if you know someone who would fit, let us know. Remember, vote for Erik in ’12!

2 thoughts on “We’re Running for President”

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